Friday, July 28, 2006

READER COMMENT
He sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see, he tries to tell me what I put inside of me. He's got the answers to ease my curiosity,he dreamed up a god and called it Christianity. Your god is dead and no one cares, if there is a hell, I will see you there. He flexed his muscles to keep his flock of sheep in line, he made a virus that would kill off all the swine. His perfect kingdom of killing, suffering and pain demands devotion, atrocities done in his name. Your god is dead and no one cares, drowning in his own hypocrisy. And if there is a hell I will see you there, burning with your god in humility. Will you die for this?
- Nine Inch Nails
I received the following reader comment on the post titled "Bill O'Reilly Can Suck Me." The commentee asked that we "left wing bloggers" respond so respond I shall. Here's the text of the comment:
Alex said...
Just a question for the left-wing bloggers out there (simply because I'm curious):What do you think of 'values?'You know, those cardinal virtues that everyone believes they have. What about religion? What do you think of religion as a whole, not just Christianity, Islam, etc. Should this country have a non-religious moral code, or for that matter, no moral code at all? Thanks, and I hope some of you respond.
So you wish to know how we "left wingers" can have any "values" or "morals" if "WE" don't believe in religion? (and you're assuming that ALL left wingers or anyone who doesn't fall in step with you and this current government are non-religious, which is wrong.) The answer to your question is quite simple. Too simple in fact. I don't do certain things cuz I'm not an ignorant asshole and I respect other people and their shit. And I also tend to follow the current laws (whether I tend to agree with them or not. Prime example, the marijuana laws, and no I'm not a drug addict) so I won't land myself in jail, a place I have no desire to ever see. I have my own moral code which I follow which is basically "would I want this done to me?" It's simple. I don't have to go to a church or a synagogue or a mosque and have threats of eternal damnation shoved down my throat in order to know how to act.
Do I kill people? No. Why not since I don't believe in religion? Cuz I wouldn't want someone killing me and cuz I don't think its MY RIGHT to kill someone. Not cuz some book says its not right, but because I SAY its not my right. People who kill indiscriminately were born without conscience. The regular person would be eaten alive by guilt if they were to kill another person. Their conscience would eventually drive them crazy. In other words they would "feel bad" about what they did and they would drive themselves nuts dwelling on it all the time. The stone cold killer, devoid of a conscience, is not bothered by such petty thoughts. They kill and they go about their business. Like I put air in my tires and go on with my life they kill someone and get on with it. It has nothing to do with someone being "inherently evil" or "possessed" or some shit like that. Stone cold killers were born without a conscience.
That's what makes me laugh about the religious right. Everything's gotta be about evil or non-evil. That's such a simplistic way to summarize the human condition. A convenient way to ignore the religious rights number one enemy: SCIENCE. Do you know how many chemical processes go into forming a human being? One chemical is slightly off and you're born with three arms or the heart on the wrong side of your chest, one eye or spina bifida. A DNA strand if facing right instead of left and you're born retarded or with some horrible genetic disorder. So if that's so acceptable and believable then why is it so hard to believe that people can be born without a conscience? (or GAY for that matter.) They're missing a chemical or maybe they have too much or one chemical or too little of another. But its much easier for the religious types to write it off as good or evil, right or wrong. It helps their cause. Gives their views a boost. Someone's a killer? They're possessed by the devil. Simple. Black or white. Good or evil. Requires no thought. All the thinking is already done for them.
Do I steal? No. Why not? Not cuz JESUS told me not to. I don't steal cuz it's not my shit to steal. Would I care if someone stole my fucking car, robbed my house or went into my purse and took all my credit cards? You're goddamn right I'd be mad. I worked for that shit and it's my shit to do with as I please. Never do I recall putting someone else's name on it to use. Once again it has nothing to do with what the BIBLE says (who cares.) I decide what I should do and what I shouldn't do based on my my OWN CODE and by how my parents raised me (and my parents never mentioned religion to me ONCE when I was growing up. It was MY choice to decide and I therefore wasn't indoctrinated into the cult from the second I came out the birth canal.) I do not need a list of "Commandments" nor a belief in a spaghetti monster in the sky keeping tabs on me in order to know what is right and what is wrong. Those who do are unable to think for themselves and I'll even go so far as to argue that those are the dangerous people. If you need to constantly be reasussured that what you're doing is right, that what you're doing (or not doing for that matter) fits into the will and desire of a GOD then you are a weak individual who is unable to make decisions for yourself and requires constant reassurance from an entity whose existence can never be proven. You are basing your entire life, judging other people, and making decisions about other peoples lives based on a book that not EVERYONE in the world believes in, that cannot be proven and that has no verifiable author. And best yet, you pick and choose WHAT parts of that book you will choose to follow or not follow depending on what's best for you.
So as for "what do I think about religion" the answer is quite simple. I think it's the most dangerous thing human beings have ever created. More dangerous than gunpowder, crack cocaine or nuclear weapons. How many people have been killed in the name of religion over the years? As a result of the constant strife between one religlion or another? My spaghetti monster is better than your spaghetti monster, so die motherfucker. It's absurd, it's childish and it's DANGEROUS. If I had MY way, religion would be outlawed. It's simply too dangerous. Like street gangs, always at each others throats cuz one wore the wrong color or painted over another gangs graffiti. Would you be opposed the outlawing of street gangs. I doubt it. Religion is, more or less, society sanctioning street gangs. They wear their "colors," they have their own "signs" they throw up to let the other "gangs" know what side they're on, they believe their "gang" to be the only gang that should exist on the planet and they will go to any extreme to drive any opposing gangs out of "their" territory. Sound familiar?
I believe that initially religion was a guide for how primitive people should live their lives. Before there was law enforcement in society how better to control a primitive population, who knew nothing of science, then to scare the shit out of them with threats of hell and eternal punishment? These were people who looked to the sky during a thunder storm and believed the gods were angry at them. Who thought disesases and droughts were punishments from GOD. And yet today, with all the scientific advances we have made (and which you, yourself, utilize if it's beneficial to YOU) you STILL rely on this book written by a primitive society to guide not ONLY your life but MY life and others lives as well. It's infuriating. You have every right to believe in any religion you want, but you DON'T have every right to shove that religion down MY throat nor the throat of any other individual on the planet. I think University of Texas has the best football team. Do you disagree? If so, do you wanna see me convert to YOUR favorite football team? Do you wanna make me start wearing YOUR favorite teams colors everyday? And if I DON'T root for you're team, am I somehow inferior and deserve to have my opinions silenced? Think that's crazy? So is religion.
Any other "liberal bloggers," or just plain "liberals" for that matter, who wish to similarly comment please do so, all comments will be posted.

BITCH
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease I'm a goddess on my knees When you hurt, when you suffer I'm your angel undercover. I've been numb, I'm revived, Can't say I'm not alive You know I wouldn't want it any other way
- Alanis Morisette
After the post "Replay" which dealt with my pathetic, miserable "love life" (if you could even call it that), I received many comments and emails saying how amazed readers were that this blog is written by a female. Yes, it's true folks, this blog is written by someone who wears a BRA (not a big one, mind you. And they're not flowery either) and has ovaries. I can't understand why that's so hard to believe. Women aren't permitted to be furious and voice their oppinion? Should I sit at home like a good girl, mouth shut, vaccuming and doing chores? Then you've never met me. To hell with that shit. You don't want to hear my FULL OPINION, then don't ask. I'll let someone know EXACTLY what I think of them in 2 seconds flat. No hold barred. No meek little girl here. Hell no. You wanna survive these days, you've gotta take a damn stand. Fight for what you believe, testicles, ovaries, hermaphrodite, whatever.
At least none of the responses regarding my sex has been negative, just sheer amazement. Actually made me laugh cuz the "My Heartfelt Apology to South Dakota" post should have given it away. And I believe that I've even SAID I was a girl a few times. You people need to pay better atention!!! What other litle tidbits of knowledge have you missed? I'm just kidding, what the hell do I care? As long as we're all on the same page politically, than I'm good with you.
So to all the females who read this blog, START WRITING. Subscribe to blogger and just start writing about what makes you mad, what sends you over the top and makes you wanna punch some reichwinger in the damn face. You can blog anonymously. Just WRITE. Boobs or no boobs.
Another angry blog written by a female that I think you all will enjoy is:

Sunday, July 09, 2006


BILL O'REILLY
CAN SUCK ME
That lying little motherfucker makes me fucking sick. Fuck Bill O'Reilly. And this is the last time i'm gonna mention his administration cock suking ass on this blog.
Wanna witness Keith Olberman go HARD on O'Reilly? If I'd had a dick it woulda been hard watching this It's great:

Sunday, July 02, 2006

AMERICAN FASCISM
This machine, this machine, this machine... kills fucking fascists! dead! that's right! dead! you don't have to be a racist, to be a nazi fuck your mindless nationalism gives you credentials enough you spew your right wing rhetoric, when we got your attention you've mistaken the punk scene for the republican convention no more infiltration no more right wing lies you don't belong in our scene. we'll fight you till we die!
- Anti-Flag

The following article was published on Monday, July 19, 2004 by CommonDreams.org
The Ghost of Vice President Wallace Warns: "It Can Happen Here"
by Thom Hartmann

The Republican National Committee has recently removed from the top-level pages of their website an advertisement interspersing Hitler's face with those of John Kerry and other prominent Democrats. This little-heralded step has freed former Enron lobbyist and current RNC chairman Ed Gillespie to resume his attacks on Americans who believe some provisions of Bush's PATRIOT Act, his detention of American citizens without charges, his willingness to let corporations write legislation, and the so-called "Free Speech Zones" around his public appearances are all steps on the road to American fascism.

The RNC's feeble attempt to equate Hitler and Democrats was short-lived, but it brings to mind the first American Vice President to point out the "American fascists" among us.
Although most Americans remember that Harry Truman was Franklin D. Roosevelt's Vice President when Roosevelt died in 1945 (making Truman President), Roosevelt had two previous Vice Presidents - John N. Garner (1933-1941) and Henry A. Wallace (1941-1945). In early 1944, the New York Times asked Vice President Henry Wallace to, as Wallace noted, "write a piece answering the following questions: What is a fascist? How many fascists have we? How dangerous are they?"

Vice President Wallace's answer to those questions was published in The New York Times on April 9, 1944, at the height of the war against the Axis powers of Germany and Japan.
"The really dangerous American fascists," Wallace wrote, "are not those who are hooked up directly or indirectly with the Axis. The FBI has its finger on those. The dangerous American fascist is the man who wants to do in the United States in an American way what Hitler did in Germany in a Prussian way. The American fascist would prefer not to use violence. His method is to poison the channels of public information. With a fascist the problem is never how best to present the truth to the public but how best to use the news to deceive the public into giving the fascist and his group more money or more power."

In this, Wallace was using the classic definition of the word "fascist" - the definition Mussolini had in mind when he claimed to have invented the word. (It was actually Italian philosopher Giovanni Gentile who wrote the entry in the Encyclopedia Italiana that said: "Fascism should more appropriately be called corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power." Mussolini, however, affixed his name to the entry, and claimed credit for it.)
As the 1983 American Heritage Dictionary noted, fascism is: "A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism."

Mussolini was quite straightforward about all this. In a 1923 pamphlet titled "The Doctrine of Fascism" he wrote, "If classical liberalism spells individualism, Fascism spells government." But not a government of, by, and for We The People - instead, it would be a government of, by, and for the most powerful corporate interests in the nation.

In 1938, Mussolini brought his vision of fascism into full reality when he dissolved Parliament and replaced it with the "Camera dei Fasci e delle Corporazioni" - the Chamber of the Fascist Corporations. Corporations were still privately owned, but now instead of having to sneak their money to folks like Tom DeLay and covertly write legislation, they were openly in charge of the government.

Vice President Wallace bluntly laid out in his 1944 Times article his concern about the same happening here in America:

"If we define an American fascist as one who in case of conflict puts money and power ahead of human beings, then there are undoubtedly several million fascists in the United States. There are probably several hundred thousand if we narrow the definition to include only those who in their search for money and power are ruthless and deceitful. ... They are patriotic in time of war because it is to their interest to be so, but in time of peace they follow power and the dollar wherever they may lead."

Nonetheless, at that time there were few corporate heads who had run for political office, and, in Wallace's view, most politicians still felt it was their obligation to represent We The People instead of corporate cartels. "American fascism will not be really dangerous," he added in the next paragraph, "until there is a purposeful coalition among the cartelists, the deliberate poisoners of public information..."

Noting that, "Fascism is a worldwide disease," Wallace further suggest that fascism's "greatest threat to the United States will come after the war" and will manifest "within the United States itself."

In Sinclair Lewis's 1935 novel "It Can't Happen Here," a conservative southern politician is helped to the presidency by a nationally syndicated radio talk show host. The politician - Buzz Windrip - runs his campaign on family values, the flag, and patriotism. Windrip and the talk show host portray advocates of traditional American democracy as anti-American. When Windrip becomes President, he opens a Guantanamo-style detention center, and the viewpoint character of the book, Vermont newspaper editor Doremus Jessup, flees to Canada to avoid prosecution under new "patriotic" laws that make it illegal to criticize the President.

As Lewis noted in his novel, "the President, with something of his former good-humor [said]: 'There are two [political] parties, the Corporate and those who don't belong to any party at all, and so, to use a common phrase, are just out of luck!' The idea of the Corporate or Corporative State, Secretary [of State] Sarason had more or less taken from Italy." And, President "Windrip's partisans called themselves the Corporatists, or, familiarly, the 'Corpos,' which nickname was generally used."

Lewis, the first American writer to win a Nobel Prize, was world famous by 1944, as was his book "It Can't Happen Here." And several well-known and powerful Americans, including Prescott Bush, had lost businesses in the early 1940s because of charges by Roosevelt that they were doing business with Hitler. These events all, no doubt, colored Vice President Wallace's thinking when he wrote:

"Still another danger is represented by those who, paying lip service to democracy and the common welfare, in their insatiable greed for money and the power which money gives, do not hesitate surreptitiously to evade the laws designed to safeguard the public from monopolistic extortion. American fascists of this stamp were clandestinely aligned with their German counterparts before the war, and are even now preparing to resume where they left off, after 'the present unpleasantness' ceases."

Fascists have an agenda that is primarily economic. As the Free Dictionary (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/) notes, fascism/corporatism is "an attempt to create a 'modern' version of feudalism by merging the 'corporate' interests with those of the state."
Feudalism, of course, is one of the most stable of the three historic tyrannies (kingdoms, theocracies, feudalism) that ruled nations prior to the rise of American republican democracy, and can be roughly defined as "rule by the rich."

Thus, the neo-feudal/fascistic rich get richer (and more powerful) on the backs of the poor and the middle class, an irony not lost on author Thomas Frank, who notes in his new book "What's The Matter With Kansas" that, "You can see the paradox first-hand on nearly any Main Street in middle America - 'going out of business' signs side by side with placards supporting George W. Bush."

The businesses "going out of business" are, in fascist administrations, usually those of locally owned small and medium-sized companies. As Wallace wrote, some in big business "are willing to jeopardize the structure of American liberty to gain some temporary advantage." He added, "Monopolists who fear competition and who distrust democracy because it stands for equal opportunity would like to secure their position against small and energetic enterprise [companies]. In an effort to eliminate the possibility of any rival growing up, some monopolists would sacrifice democracy itself."

But American fascists who would want former CEOs as President, Vice President, House Majority Whip, and Senate Majority Leader, and write legislation with corporate interests in mind, don't generally talk to We The People about their real agenda, or the harm it does to small businesses and working people. Instead, as Hitler did with the trade union leaders and the Jews, they point to a "them" to pin with blame and distract people from the harms of their economic policies.
In a comment presient of George W. Bush's recent suggestion that civilization itself is at risk because of gays, Wallace continued:

"The symptoms of fascist thinking are colored by environment and adapted to immediate circumstances. But always and everywhere they can be identified by their appeal to prejudice and by the desire to play upon the fears and vanities of different groups in order to gain power. It is no coincidence that the growth of modern tyrants has in every case been heralded by the growth of prejudice. It may be shocking to some people in this country to realize that, without meaning to do so, they hold views in common with Hitler when they preach discrimination..."
But even at this, Wallace noted, American fascists would have to lie to the people in order to gain power. And, because they were in bed with the nation's largest corporations - who could gain control of newspapers and broadcast media - they could promote their lies with ease.
"The American fascists are most easily recognized by their deliberate perversion of truth and fact," Wallace wrote. "Their newspapers and propaganda carefully cultivate every fissure of disunity, every crack in the common front against fascism. They use every opportunity to impugn democracy."

In his strongest indictment of the tide of fascism the Vice President of the United States saw rising in America, he added, "They claim to be super-patriots, but they would destroy every liberty guaranteed by the Constitution. They demand free enterprise, but are the spokesmen for monopoly and vested interest. Their final objective toward which all their deceit is directed is to capture political power so that, using the power of the state and the power of the market simultaneously, they may keep the common man in eternal subjection."

Finally, Wallace said, "The myth of fascist efficiency has deluded many people. ... Democracy, to crush fascism internally, must...develop the ability to keep people fully employed and at the same time balance the budget. It must put human beings first and dollars second. It must appeal to reason and decency and not to violence and deceit. We must not tolerate oppressive government or industrial oligarchy in the form of monopolies and cartels."

This liberal vision of an egalitarian America in which very large businesses and media monopolies are broken up under the 1890 Sherman Anti-Trust Act (which Reagan stopped enforcing, leading to the mergers & acquisitions frenzy that continues to this day) was the driving vision of the New Deal (and of "Trust Buster" Teddy Roosevelt a generation earlier).
As Wallace's President, Franklin D. Roosevelt, said when he accepted his party's renomination in 1936 in Philadelphia, "...out of this modern civilization, economic royalists [have] carved new dynasties.... It was natural and perhaps human that the privileged princes of these new economic dynasties, thirsting for power, reached out for control over government itself. They created a new despotism and wrapped it in the robes of legal sanction.... And as a result the average man once more confronts the problem that faced the Minute Man...."

Speaking indirectly of the fascists that Wallace would directly name almost a decade later, Roosevelt brought the issue to its core: "These economic royalists complain that we seek to overthrow the institutions of America. What they really complain of is that we seek to take away their power."

But, he thundered in that speech, "Our allegiance to American institutions requires the overthrow of this kind of power!"

In 2004, we again stand at the same crossroad Roosevelt and Wallace confronted during the Great Depression and World War II. Fascism is again rising in America, this time calling itself "compassionate conservatism." The RNC's behavior today eerily parallels the day in 1936 when Roosevelt said, "In vain they seek to hide behind the flag and the Constitution. In their blindness they forget what the flag and the Constitution stand for."
It's particularly ironic that the CEOs and lobbyists who run the Republican National Committee would have chosen to put Hitler's fascist face into one of their campaign commercials, just before they launched a national campaign against gays and while they continue to arrest people who wear anti-Bush T-shirts in public places.

President Roosevelt and Vice President Wallace's warnings have come full circle. Which is why it's so critical that this November we join together at the ballot box to stop this most recent incarnation of feudal fascism from seizing complete control of our nation.
You can read the original article here, at Common Dreams.Org:

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

KILLADELPHIA
One life to live it's so hard to be positive, when niggas shootin at your crib.
- Tupac Shakur
Sorry that I have neglected to write in the last few weeks but shit's been a little crazy. I got a new job in downtown Killadelphia and must leave at the ass crack of dawn to make it there. It takes even LONGER getting out of the city at the end of the day so I often don't get home til its time for bed. But the job pays more than twice what I was making before (imagine that? A left wing radical making a decent salary....what's wrong with this world) so I couldn't really turn it down. I have been too exhausted at the end of the day to write and on the weekends all I've been doing is sleeping. So I apologize to anyone who thought I had thrown in the towel or had been carted off to Guantanamo.
Too much has been going on with the American Nazi Party for me to talk about it in this post. I must leave for work in a mere 15 minutes and I haven't even struggled into my bullet proof vest yet. Ah yes, I forget, you guys aren't familiar with the goings on in my glorious hometown of Killadelphia, Pa.
This city has lost its mind. The murder rate when I LAST checked was at a whopping 145 since January 1st. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE. Can you imagine? It's like the wild fucking west around here. They'll shoot ya for looking crossed eyed at the floor. EVERYONE is packin heat and quick on the draw. It's insane. A cop was shot in the head about 3 weeks ago trying to stop an armed (what else) hold up at a bar. That shut down large portions of the city for DAYS as they searched for that genius. I believe they eventually caught the idiot that did it, although keeping up with which suspect goes with which murder is difficult these days.
A favorite thing to do for the armed gangs of assholes around here is to get into a multiple shot-fired shoot out in the most obvious place - in front of an elementary school (makes sense, right?) so some poor kid is always catching a bullet in the head as he exits school. Then it's big news until the next day, when it happens again. And I'm not talking 3 or 4 shots. I'm talking these cats are unloading an entire clip, refucking loading, and continuing to fire. Even the rapper Beanie Sigel got shot the other day (not as if that's really surprising, but I thought I'd mention it for name recognition.) That made news for about 5 minutes until someone else got it.
So I have to drive through one of these "Ok Corral" areas on my way to center city and the skyscraper in which I pretty much waste 8 hours a day for a very nice salary. I sit as low in the carseat as possible, minimizing my profile and giving the insurgents less of a target when they start blasting. The whole area (well, at least this street) is bathed with signs strung across the streets screaming "STOP THE VIOLENCE" or posted on church lawns that declare "STOP THE MURDER" etc etc. It's not working. Just the other day on my way home from work I heard multiple gunshots coming from the south. People started scurrying in all directions. The more experienced just stepped back into a building doorway and continue their conversations. I hit the accelerator and got the fuck outta Dodge.
Is this any way for an American citizen to live? Just cuz you're poor doesn't mean you're a scum bag and deserves to live in fear and under the constant threat of murder. Maybe the shooters should be rounded up and sent to Iraq where they can take out their weapons fantasy in a war zone. I'm betting these "street gangsters" would shit their fucking pants if they were put into a combat situation. These guys are tough when they're the only ones armed. Put them up against some REAL insurgents who DO NOT GIVE A FUCK and we'll see how "gangster" they are.
Well I must depart for my treacherous trip into no mans land. I'm strapping on my bullet proof vest as we speak and affixing my teflon helmet to my head. Wish me luck. I will write more later this week. Til then.

Sunday, May 14, 2006


THE REICHSTAG FIRE
"We German Social Democrats pledge ourselves solemnly in this historic hour to the principles of hummanity and justice, of freedom and socialism. No 'Enabling Act' can give you the power to destroy ideas which are eternal and indestructible."
- Otto Wells, leader of the German Social Democrats, whose members had been "detained" by the Storm Troopers, to Adolf Hitler on March 23rd, 1933 after the passing of Hitler's 'Enabling Act' which ended democracy in Germany for the next 12 years.
**The following quotes come from 'The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich' by William L. Shirer. Chapter seven (The Nazification of Germany: 1933 to 1934) pages 263 to 278**
"On Januray 31, 1933, the day after Hitler was named Chancellor, Goebbels wrote in his diary : 'In a conference with the Fuhrer we lay down the line for the fight against the Red Terror. For the moment we shall abstain from direct countermeasures. The Bolshevik attempt at revolution must burst into flame . At the proper moment, we shall strike.'" The only problem with the Nazi plan was that the "strike" never came, despite numerous brutal attempts by the Nazis to incite a revolution or a communist uprising. Hitler needed such an 'uprising' to occur in order to frighten the people into voting for his "Enabling Act" which would nullify the German constitution and place all the power of the government directly into Hitler's hands.
Communist party headquarters were occupied and shut down by the feared Brownshirts. Rallies were forbidden or broken up. Leaders of the Communist Party and any other German who rose to their support or protection were viciously beaten and many were locked up. The German police were told by Hitler to "make use of firearms" and those who refused or were seen as 'holding back' were punished.
"And yet despite all the terror the 'Bolshevik revoultion' which Goebbels, Hitler and Goering were looking for failed to 'burst into flames.' If it could not be provoked, might it not have to be invented?" And so they did. On February 24th Goering's police force raided the Communist party headquarters in Berlin, the Karl Liebknecht Haus. The headquarters had been abandoned weeks ago and many of the members had gone underground or slipped out of Germany and headed towards Russia. But "piles of propaganda pamphlets had been left in the cellar and these were enough to enable Goering to announce in an official communique that the seized 'documents' proved that the Communists were about to launch the revolution." Unfortunately for the Nazis, the reaction of the government and the people was one of skepticism. "It was obvious that something more sensational must be found to stampede the public before the election took place on March 5th."
On the evening of February 27th the German Reichstag burned to the ground. While still engulfed in flames, Hitler, Goering and Goebbels raced to the scene of the 'crime.' Upon arrival, they feigned outrage. "That it was a crime, a communist crime, they (the Nazis) proclaimed at once on arrival at the fire." A short time later, Goebbels proclaimed "This is the beginning of the Communist revolution! We must not wait a minute. We will show no mercy. Every communist official must be shot, where he is found. Every Communist deputy must this very moment be strung up." And so it began. Hitler had his "terrorist" attack and a convenient "enemy" to blame it on.
"The whole truth about the Reichstag fire will probably never be known......though there is enough evidence to establish beyond a reasonable doubt that it was the Nazi's who planned the arson and carried it out for their own political ends." They even found a dupe to blame it on, a half-witted Dutch Communist with a penchant for arson named Marinus van der Lubbe. A few days before the "attack" van der Lubbe had been picked up by the Nazis at a bar after he was heard boasting that he had recently set fire to several public buildings and that he was next going to try the Reichstag. "The coincidence that the Nazis has found a demented Communist arsonist who was out to do exactly what they themselves had determined to do seems incredible but is nevertheless supported by the evidence.....van der Lubbe was encouraged to try to set the Reichstag on fire. But the main job was to be done - without his knowledge, of course - by the storm troopers." Upon discovery at the burning building, van der Lubbe was arrested on the spot and, after a sham trial, was found guilty and decapitated.
Hitler lost no time in expoliting the Reichstag fire to the limit. The day after the fire, the Prussian government issued a "long statement declaring that it had found Communist 'documents' proving : Government buildings, museums, mansions and essential plants were to be burned down....Women and children were to be sent in front of terrorist groups......The burning of the Reichstag was to be the signal for the bloody insurrection and civil war....It has been ascertained that today was to have seen throughout Germany terrorist acts against individual persons, against private property, and against the life and limb of the peaceful population, and also the beginning of general civil war."
"Publication of the 'documents proving the Communist conspiracy' was promised but never made. The fact, however, that the Prussian government itself vouched for their authenticity impressed many Germans." The people were terrified. "The streets, bedecked with swastika flags, echoed to the tramp of the storm troopers. There were mass rallies, torchlight parades, the din of loudspeakers in the squares. The billboards were plastered with flamboyant Nazi posters and at night bonfires lit up the hills. The elctorate was in turn cajoled with promises of a German paradise, intimidated by the brown shirted terror in the streets and frightened by revelations about the Communist revolution. With all the resources of the national and Prussian government at their disposal, and with plenty of money from big business in their coffers, the Nazis carried on an election propaganda such as Germany had never seen before." Those who still held doubts may have been impressed by Goering's (the man in charge of the 'Police') threats against the Communist terrorists: "Fellow Germans, my measures will not be cripppled by any judicial thinking...I don't have to worry about justice; my mission is only to destroy and exterminate, nothing more!...Certainly, I shall use the power of the State and the police to the utmost, my dear Communists, so don't draw any flase conclusions; but the struggle to the death, in which my fist will grasp your necks, I shall lead to those down there - the Brownshirts." It worked.
Hitler prevailed on President Hindenburg to sign a decree "For the Protection of the People of the State" which suspended the seven sections of the constitution which guaranteed "individual and civil liberties." Hitler, describing it as a "defensive measure against Communist acts of violence endangering the state, the decree laid down that: Restrictions on personal liberty, on the right of the free expression of opinion, including freedom of the press; on the rights of assembly and association; and violations of the privacy of postal, telegraphic and telephonic communications; and warrants for house searches, orders for confiscations as well as restrictions on property, are also permissible beyond the legal limits otherwise prescribed."
"Thus with one stroke, Hitler was able not only to legally gag his opponents and arrest them at will but, by making the trumped-up Communist threat 'official,' as it were, to throw millions of the middle class and the peasants into a frenzy of FEAR that unless they voted for National Socialism at the elections a week hence, the Bolsheviks might take over." But Hitler didn't stop there. He needed COMPLETE power over the remaning German parliment (the only people left opposing him were the Social Democrats and they still held enough seats to hold off Hitlers push for complete dictatorship.)
Hitlers plan was deceptively simple and had the advantage of "cloaking seizure of absolute power in legality." "The Reichstag would be asked to pass the 'Enabling Act' conferring on Hitlers cabinet exclusive legislative powers for four years. Put even more simply, the German Parliment would be requested to turn over its Constitutional functions to Hitler and take a long vacation." But the Social Democrats still held enough seats to oppose the two-thirds needed to succeed. But this didn't stop Hiltler. By the decree signed by Hindenburg ('The Protection of the People of the State'), Hitler simply arrested as many Social Democrats as necessary "to assure to two-thrids majority." And so he did. And he won. The vote was taken and it was 441 FOR and 84 (all Social Democrats not 'detained') AGAINST.
On March 23rd, the 'Enabling Act' was before the Reichstag. "It's brief five paragraphs took the power of legislation, including control of the Reich budget, approval of treaties with foreign states and the initiating of Constitutional amendments, away from Parliment and handed it over to the Reich cabinet for a period of four years. Moreover, the act stipulated that the laws enacted by the cabinet were to be drafted by the Chancellor (Hitler) and 'might deviate from the Constitution.'" Nobody said a word in protest. The German people, fearing terrorist attacks by the Communists, felt secure knowing Hitler was in charge of the country, believing he would, indeed, "protect them." This was the farthest thing from the truth. The German people had just abdicated all governmental powers to one man. Overnight they had permitted, by silencing their voices out of fear of an impending Communist attack, one man to take charge over their entire government.
"Thus the parlimentaty democracy finally interred in Germany. Except for arrests of the Communists and some of the Social Democratic deputies, it was all done quite legally, though accompanied by TERROR. Parliment had turned over its Constitutional authority to Hitler and thereby commited suicide, though its body lingered on in an embalmed state to the very end of the Third Reich, serving infrequently as a sounding board for some of Hitler's thunderous pronunciations, its members henceforth handpicked by the Nazi Party, for there were to be no more REAL elections. It was this Enabling Acts alone which formed the legal basis for Hitler's dictatorship. From March 23, 1933, on, Hilter was the dictator of the Reich, freed of any restraint by Parliment. "
"The streets gangs," in the words of Alan Bullock, "had seized control of the resources of a great modern State, the gutter had come to power. But - as Hitler never ceased to boast - 'LEGALLY,' by an overwhelming vote of Parliment. The Germans had no one to blame but themselves."
Does this entire scenario sound vaguely familiar to you? It sure does to me.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


COUNT RUMSULA
"You know this sonofabitch is seven centuries old. He sleeps in a box somewhere filled with dirt from Rumania."
- Mike Malloy last night
Air America Radio
Malloy needs to be quoted at LEAST once a day outside of listening to his show. After hearing him make the above statement last night regarding that bloodsucking vampire Rumsfeld, I nearly fell outta bed laughing. But it's not funny. Donald Rumsfeld IS evil. You can see it when he smiles. The smile never reaches his eyes. Next time you catch him making some senseless, babbling speech on C-Span, test my theory. The smile.. never.. reaches.. his.. eyes. It stops dead at his mouth, as if there is some steel barrier between his facial expressions and his soul. I'm sure there is. It's called EVIL. (This "smile" theory can be tested on serial killers and plain old street level psychos also. Works every time. Dead giveaway that you're dealing with a sociopath.) Rumsfeld is a 700 year old bloodsucking freak. And the only way to rid the world of a vampire is to drive a stake through it's black heart. Any takers? I'll help fashion the stakes. Only problem, we don't know where the bloodsuckers coffin is stored. My best guess is somewhere at Faux News headquarters. But entering that den of vileness and filth is simply too terrifying, even for the bravest vampire hunter.

Saturday, May 06, 2006



DON'T FORGET!
Just thought I'd remind ya'll
- Jay-Z
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Just in case ya haven't been reminded in some time.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

SOUNDTRACK TO THE REVOLUTION
I know too much, the government is tryna murder me
- Immortal Technique
It looks like I'm gonna have to rely on the underground rap community to compose the music for the revolution. Unfortunately, you'll NEVER hear any of these groups on the radio/MTV or BET. Not that that's a bad thing, cuz any rap group that blows up on either of these outlets pretty much completely sucks and raps strickly about bitches, bling and cash, topics that are neither interesting nor relevant to the times. Mainstream rap music SUCKS.
I listen to a shit load of rap music (truth be told, I listen to a shit load of MUSIC. Period. All genres included), but all of it is considered "undergroud." The artists are extremely talented but have choosen NOT to sell out to the music industry which would force them to change their lyrics and their style to attract 13 year old white girls who like to dance around their spacious rooms and believe they are somehow bucking authority (their parents) by bringing "black " music into their McMansions.
There's alot of political rap music out there, you just have to go looking for it. To save you some time and effort, I will name a few groups for you so you can listen to them for yourself. I highly recommend you download the file sharing program BearShare (www.Bearshare.com. Choose the FREE program) so you can listen to the music before you purchase the album. Some of the best political rap groups include The Lost Children of Babylon (their new album, dealing solely with the 9/11 conspiracy, is pictured above. It's super hot), Immortal Technique (you've seen his lyrics quoted here numerous times. ALL of his albums are hot and deal with the criminality of the Bu$h cabal and their involvement in 9/11), The Coup, Dead Prez, The Reavers (pick up their album 'Terror Firma' asap) Non-Phixion, Mos Def, Pharaoh Monch, Talib Kweli, Army of the Pharaohs (their new album 'The Torture Papers' is ALSO hot) and Jedi Mind Tricks (everything they have ever done is hot) just to name a few.
The truth IS out there, it's just not receiving any airtime on the republican owned radio conglomerates and the similarly reich-wing owned record companies. One can't say it's not being talked about, it's just being supressed, whether directly (by threatening the artists to change their lyrics and intentionally NOT allowing their work to be heard on the radio) or indirectly (by pricing their albums in the $20 to $30 dollar range, making their albums hard to find, discrediting their message with the 'mainstream music consumer' as 'crazy conspiracy music' or, as Bill O'Reilly has done a few times, invite the artist on his "show" and then demonize him as unpatriotic and treasonous. When the lights go out, I get O'Reilly.)
Even if you're not a fan of rap music (my mom says it all sounds the same to her but she's also 500 years old, so I shouldn't expect her to understand nor appreciate rap music. Don't tell her I said that. The 500 years old part.) I still hope you will check out the groups and individual artists mentioned above and support their work for they are the ONLY ones speaking up for us on a regular basis and detailing what's REALLY going on in this country (yes, I'm aware that there are a FEW rock acts who are also putting out protest music, but compared to the politically conscious acts of the 1960's, they are few and far between. But I still respect them for their work) for it will be artists like this who will provide us with the soundtrack to the revolution. It's a shame that the venerable rap artist Tupac Shakur was gunned down at such an early age. With the talent he posessed and his penchant for taking on the issues relevant to the underclass and the dispossessed, I can only imagine what he would accomplish lyrically with the issues we are facing today.
The revolution will NOT be televised. But it WILL be reported, by artists not afraid to speak out.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

DIVINE STRAKE
Lights, camera, cock back the hammer. EXPLOSION!
- Redman
I'm sure most of you are already familiar with the upcoming simulated nuclear test that's going to occur in Nevada on June 2nd. But for those of you who aren't, here are the details.
On June 2nd of this year, the Department of Defense will explode 700 TONS of explosives (1.4 MILLION pounds) at the Nevada test range about 90 miles north of Las Vegas. It will be called "Divine Strake." This will not be several different explosions totalling 700 tons (1.4 million lbs) but one HUGE explosion. The detonation will be also be perfomed underground to test the effects of such an enormous explosion on subterranean bunker complexes. I found some good stories on Divine Strike and I want you to read them. The first link is from a story by the Washington Post : http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/30/AR2006033001735.html and the second is an editorial by the Washington Post: http://blogs.washingtonpost.com/earlywarning/2006/04/divine_guidance.html and the final website I want you to read is Globalsecurity.org's long researched piece on Divine Strike. Here is the link to the first page (please research this site for MORE info on Divine Strake): http://www.globalsecurity.org/wmd/ops/divine-strake.htm

Seven hundred tons seems a little huge for a conventional bomb, doesn't it? Could a bomber even CARRY a 700 ton bomb? So I investigated, and the answer is NO. Our largest bomber is the B-52 bomber. It can carry a maximum payload of 35 tons (For info on the B-52, check this link: http://www.aerospaceweb.org/aircraft/bomber/b52/) That's a little short, isn't it? So lets assume they are going to load this behemouth of a bomb in a cargo plane, lets say America's largest cargo plane, the C-5 Galaxy, and push it out the back of the plance over the intended target with the help of an elephant. Well a C-5 can carry a maximum payload of 130.5 tons. Also short. VERY short (for info on the C-5 cargo plane, check this link: http://www.aerospaceweb.org/aircraft/transport-m/c5/)

So we have our government testing the effects of an explosion caused by 700 tons of munitions but we have no way to DROP such a large bomb on another country should we like the "effects" of Divine Strake. So why test such a huge weapon if we could never drop it? Well the answer is simple. Unable to test a nuclear weapon due to the restrictions placed upon us by the Nuclear Proliferation Treaty (not that Bu$h gives a shit, but why upset the Russians and thr Chinese YET) Bu$h et al are going to see if 700 TONS of explosives is an adequate amount to destroy Iran's underground bunker systems and subterranean nuclear labs with Divine Strake. If this amount is deemed satisfactory, then all they have to do is calculate which size NUCLEAR WEAPON is equivalent to 700 tons of TNT or whatever explosive they choose. See, simple. Gets them around the Nuclear Proliferation Treaty, doesn't raise the 'alarm bells' of Americans (cuz this test will NEVER be reported in the main stream media so 99% of Americans will never even know it happened), and those who DO find out about it can be lied to and told no, they really AREN'T testing a 700 ton conventional explosive (although we already know that no airplane in the WORLD could deliver such a massive payload.)

So lets think about this. Our goverment is going to test which sized NUCLEAR WEAPON they are going to drop on Iran and they're going to do it right under our goddamn noses. For those poor bastards who like in Nevada, or downwind from this massive explosion, the effects will be more "hands on." Considering they plan on detonating Divine Strake at the Nevada Test Range where for YEARS they blew up hundreds of nuclear weapons, I'm sure such a catastrophic explosion being carried out on soil where nuclear weapons WERE exploded will unearth a whole hell of alot of buried radioactive dirt, rock, etc etc. What size cloud will this explosion cause? How far will this potentially radioactive cloud travel? What will be the health effects of such a potentially radioactive cloud? Have the people of Nevada been told ANYTHING by the government? Considering the secrecy of this admini$tration to date, I'm sure they have been told little to nothing. And what they HAVE been told, I'm sure, is a lie.
So what further proof do we need? Do we have to actually WAIT for the mushroom cloud to loom large over Iran before we realize what this government has in store for not only the Iranians but for ourselves as well? Will I awaken some morning in the fall (before the elections, of course) and discover the United States of America has dropped "tactical" NUCLEAR WEAPONS on Iran? Will there a be a "terrorist" attack here in this country BEFORE they launch this attack? A terrorist attack which this government can convienently blame on Iran and thus justify (in the minds of the eternally terrified American sheeple) a nuclear strike? Are we really that fucking stupid? And will the American people rally behind the republicans who so blindly support this ridiculously stupid president? My guess, based on their previous fear induced support, is yes.
This country is run by a raving religious maniac who believes that by causing unprecedented turmoil in the Middle East he will somehow facilitate the return of JESUS. And he's not alone in this insane belief. Our only hope is that these dominionist motherfuckers will decide to expidite their appointment with the almighty and OFF themselves before carrying out such a sickening, murderous, world ending plan. Where is Jim Jones when you need him? Save the rest of us the time and agony of this plan and go meet your Jesus at your own hands. But considering the ego's and hubris of the parties involved, the chances of this happening are nil. If they're gonna go, the rest of us must tag along for the ride. Terrifying.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

NEVER IN MY LIFE
How could the Serpent be purposely put in charge of the country?
- Immortal Technique
When I was a kid I remember going through this phase of being afraid of the Soviet Union. I distinctly remember sitting in my room (in the 80's) and worrying that they would fire nuclear weapons at us and kill everyone in America. My mom explained to me the concept of MAD, Mutually Assured Destruction. She said the Soviets wouldn't be so stupid as to start a nuclear war because they would just as surely be wiped out in the ensuing counterstrike. And I remember her telling me that ALTHOUGH Ronald Reagan was an "asshole" he was not stupid enough to destroy the country in which he, too, had to live. Bu$h, apparently, IS that stupid.
Fast forward 20 years or so. Never in my life did I think that it would be MY COUNTRY, the United States of America, to whom I stood every morning for 13 years and pledged ALLEGIANCE to, that would ever again nuke another country FIRST. Never. I knew about Hiroshima and Nagasaki but this was in the past for me. The distant past. And with the resulting arms race that occured during the Cold War, I never believed such a strike would ever again be necessary. Not once did it occur to me that WE, the GOOD GUYS, the bastion of freedom and goodwill around the world, that WE would EVER nuke another country. I was wrong.
Now I can't stop thinking about it. It seems inconceivable to me that my country is actually pursuing plans on dropping NUCLEAR WEAPONS on a country that has neither attacked us, threatened to attack us or posess a nuclear weapon themselves. I just can't wrap my mind around this possibility. It's simply beyond comprehension for me. It's insanity.
Anyone who thinks this is a good idea, that we should "turn Iran to glass" or some other chest-thumping, "arm chair general" statement, has no clue. Not one. You have no idea what a nuclear strike will do in Iran AND throughout the Middle East and what the reprocussions back here in your mighty homeland will be. If you think it'll be all shits and giggles and you'll get to see pretty mushroom cloud explosions that you can masturbate to, you're insane. And your childish joy and masturbation session will be short lived. Do you, now think HARD about this question, do you think FOR ONE SECOND that NOTHING catastrophic would occur here in America after such a strike? Do you care? Or are you simply so fucking uneducated and dimwitted that you truly don't think beyond that first mushroom cloud? I hear these people on reich-wing talk radio. The tough talkers. "Why have em if you ain't gonna use em" is a phrase I've heard a FEW times. Are these people incapable of thinking more than 5 minutes ahead? Like a stupid teenager who thinks it's a good idea to burn down an empty building, but never pauses to think of the consequences. I feel as if we are dealing with a bunch of fast thinking, irrational teenagers on this issue.
Since September 11th, 2001 all I've heard from Bu$h and every other republican who opened their mouth was "TERROR." Terror lurked behind every corner. The terrorists were waiting for the right moment to strike. Thank God that the Democrats weren't in charge on 9/11. Bu$h will keep us safe. We'll gladly give up our Constitutional rights so Bu$h can keep us safe. It's all albout safety for you guys, isnt it? Democrats are soft on safety, they won't protect you from terrorists. If the Democrats take over in November all the stuff Bu$h has done to keep us safe will be changed.
I beg of you, PLEASE tell me ONE...THING George W. Bu$h has done to keep this country safe. Name one thing. That's all I want. Because I've heard so much about this supposed "safety" but I can't seem to think of ONE THING this man has done to "ensure" such safety. Was it the PDB's Bu$h ignored concerning "Osama Bin Laden determined to strike inside USA?" Did that keep us safe? Was it Bu$h ignoring the PDB prior to 9/11 that predicted airplanes were going to be used as "weapons?" THAT didn't keep us safe, did it? Was it Bu$h making up intelligence about Iraq having WMD's and selling this to the easily influenced American people thus engaing us in a war with a country that posed no threat, never attacked us and that HAD no WMD's? THAT'S not keeping us safe either. Was it Bu$h infuriating the entire Muslim world by attacking a Muslim country and killing fellow muslims? THAT isn't keeping us safe. How about when the Democrats in Congress wanted to increase the funding for port security so that every single container that came into our ports was scanned (instead of the 5% that's scanned now) but the Republicans wouldn't even allow the bill to the floor? THAT'S not making us safer. Or when, after 9/11, all chemical companies were supposed to tighten their security around their plants but they balked because it would "cost them too much money" (BOO HOO!) so they went to Karl Rove and he had the bill removed from consideration. How nice. But that's not keeping Americans safe either. Let me ask you this....where is our NATIONAL GUARD? Remember those guys? They GUARD THE NATION in case a catastrophe event occurs here on OUR SHORES? Where are they? Oh, that's right, our NATIONAL GUARD are exactly where they should be. They're in IRAQ.
Remember the Anthrax "attacks" that killed a few people after 9/11? Right around the time Bu$h was trying to pass the initial Patriot Act through the Senate and (mysteriously) the two senators who received Anthrax in the mail were the two Democratic senators who were holding up the passing of Bu$h's precious Patriot Act? Remember that? How everyone was afraid to open their mail? Did we ever catch that guy? Are they still even looking for him? No. So how is THAT keeping us safe? How's the border coming along? How many illegal aliens have strolled across our border, unimpeded? I believe the figure is somewhere between 11 and 15 MILLION. Immediately after 9/11, when all the terror assessments were telling us we were gonna be "hit again" did Bu$h and company IMMEDIATELY shut down the border? Did they send the National Guard down there? Cuz if 11 to 15 MILLION MEXCIANS have crossed, I'm sure one or two muslim fundamentalists have surely figured this out too. Don't you think? So tell me again, how's the border thing going? Do you feel safe by Bu$h's handling of the border? No?
I could go on ad infinitum, but why should I bother. You get the gist. This man is a fucking JOKE. He has done no more to keep us safe than I have. He has just scared you into believing he has. If they tell you every other day for 4 years that a terrorist attack is imminent and when one doesn't occur you simply believe they're busy "preventing" them. You see the blockades of SWAT teams on the streets in NYC every once in a while and you believe they're doing something. They were busy doping something alright. They were busy stealing your money, running up the defecit and getting our soldiers killed in Iraq for no reason.
And now they're busy preparing to drop nuclear weapons on Iran. Are you going to brush this one aside too? As you have every other criminal act this man has perpetrated upon us? Are you a glutton for punishment or are you simply too egotistical to admit you were wrong? We HAVE put the Serpent in charge of the country. George Bu$h is insane. He's a religious maniac who believes that by causing world war three in the middle east, JESUS will come back. He has a messiah complex. And that's simply insane. This man MUST be removed from office before this strike occurs. HE MUST BE! A nuclear strike upon Iran will destroy this country. OPEC could refuse to sell us oil or up the price to $150 a barrel. The Iranians could block the Strait of Hormuz. The Chinese, FRIENDLY with the Iranians, could simply tell us they want their money back. And guess what.....this country goes broke over night. Or Iran could call upon Hezbollah to strike us here at home. Knowing how fucking scared you idiots are of "terrorism," the knowledge that Hezbollah WILL attack us here should be enough to wake you dumb bastards up.
We have two choices. One....the people rise up and reclaim their government (my personal favorite.) But since 99% of you big talkers are fucking cowards (chickenhawks) at heart, this will never work. So our only other chance of stopping this armageddon is the military. If the military is able to stand up and refuse to act upon such an order or, if necessary, take hold of the government themselves, we may be able to stop this countdown before time runs out. There is already talk that many high ranking Generals are preparing to demand Bu$h pull the nuclear option off the table. Let's hope this comes to fruition. And if they demand and he refuses, let's hope they realize the time has come for them to step to the plate and remove the Serpent from office.

THUG
Give me a gangstress, a bitch that don't take no shit. I need a gangsta bitch, a bitch that's armed and dangerous
- Yukmouth
I felt I needed to sure up security at the Bunker this week. Two pitbulls is a good start, but if you were to meet MY pitbulls, the last thing they would instill in you would be a feeling of fear or terror. Raised like I would raise a child (scary!) they are complete babies and the smaller one is scared of his own shadow. If you raise your voice and scream at him, he arches his back, sticks his tail between his legs, stands on his tip toes and shakes like a leaf. Literally shakes. His eyes become huge black orbs of fear and sometimes, like the time I smacked him with a paper towl roll on his butt, he hyperventilates. No joke. I have to pick him up like an infant and coo in his ear to get him to calm down. Sometimes you have to lie down on the bed with him and rub his belly. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.
Both sleep in bed with me, alternating who gets the pillow and who gets the feet. They usually start out on the couch in the living room (the couch they're not allowed on) and make their way into my room at some time during the night or early morning. I will wake up horizontal across my own bed with the dogs spooning each other and their heads on MY pillow. Bastards. I hate them 94% of the time. The other 6% we're fighting. The older one (he's three) is the REAL bastard in the house. He's brilliant and bad. A very dangerous combination. He's big on "retaliatory peeing" which pretty much explains itself. The little one (he's 1+1/2) is just stupid. SWEET as a pea in a pod, but stupid. REALLY stupid. Painfully stupid.
It always makes me laugh when I take the small one to the petstore and I see people scoop up their kids or grab their little dogs and head for the hills. Here is this little red nose pitbull, 44 lbs MAX, with the biggest damn smile on his face 24/7 just desperately trying to play with everything and everyone in sight. And people run from him. Once at the dog park some woman asked me "What are you gonna do when he freaks out and attacks you?" And she was serious. I responded "What are YOU gonna do when I freak out and attack you?" She stormed off. I threw my head back and laughed and laughed and laughed........
So you see, as secure as the Bunker of Secular Utopia might be, there is a way to break through ANY defense, no matter how good you think it is. And should such a breech occur, I don't think my dogs (either one of them) would rush to kill the intruder. In fact, I think they'd rush in the other direction. The little one would probably require an inhaler when it was all over (if he didn't die from a heart attack.) So I thought long and hard for about a week, trying to think up something ELSE I could purchase that would make me feel safer at night. Something that I could rely on to attack at a moments notice. And attack viciously. Then it came to me. What creature is more vicious, more violent, more bloodthirsty? What creature stops a mans heart cold with terror upon sight? What living creature is more deadly than a ........................KITTEN!
YES!!! Brilliant, I thought! A kitten is precisely what you need. A killer attack kitten. A fully armed, deadly venomous kitten. So I looked in the only place one would look for an attack kitten...the yellow pages. I looked under "Security" first and came up dry. Than I looked under "Alarm Systems" and again pulled a zero. So them I proceeded to search under "Guns and Ammo" and then "Home Protection" and was unsucessful with both those attempts. Exasperated, I finally flipped to the last idea I had. Although I knew it, too, would result in nothing, I gave it a try anyway. Licking my pointer finger, I turned rapidly through the yellow pages until I came to "Pets." I know, stupid thought, but I was out of ideas. Straining to see the small writing, I called the first place in the book called "Kittie City."
"Hello, Kittie City, my name's Andre, how may I help you?" came the voice on the other end of the line. "Andre, yes" I replied. "Do you have any kittens in stock?" There was a pause. Andre must have been looking through his inventory sheets. "Do we have an KITTENS in stock?" he replied, sounding a bit nasty I must say. "This is KITTIE CITY. ALL we have are kittens." Oh, kinda obvious. My bad. "Sorry. Do you have any attack kittens?" I waited for him to launch into his inventory of attack kittens. I wondered if they had any Siamese attack kittens. They're supposedly the worst. "Attack kittens? What, exactly, is an ATTACK KITTEN?" Jeez, did he have to be such a DICK about the whole thing? I guess they're not allowed to "tell" the "general public" if they have attack kittens in stock. Like when I call the head shop in the city and ask if they have any bongs. They always tell ya you have to come in and "talk to them." I got the point. "Ok Andre, I got ya. I'll be right down" and hung up the phone.
Arriving at Kittie City about 30 minutes later, I entered and saw there were kittens everywhere. I decided to walk slowly and make no quick moves which might invite an attack. I walked straight up and with my arms at my side, fingers curled up in a relaxed fist. I wouldn't want any of these attack kittens to take my fingers as a threat and tear them off my body. I must admit I was shaking slightly. I approached a young gentleman behind the counter and asked him if I could "see" some of the kittens in the store. "Sure" he replied. "Just pick up anyone you want. If you have any questions, I'll be over here cleaning out this cage." Brave fellow, I thought. Getting in there with those attack kittens and cleaning out their "house." Brave or insane.
Slowly, I approached one large cage of attack kittens. My breathing hastened and I felt a slight sweat break out on my forehead. The cage was about 5 feet high and about 4 feet wide. And it was teeming with attack kittens. There were about 10 of them in there, each trying to kill one another. They were all locked in combat and there was a lot of blood curdling "mewing." In the cage there were multiple "levels" or floors and on each floor were two attack kittens fighting to the death. On the bottom of the cage was a large, multi-hued ball of attack kittens all entangled and "mewing" viciously at each other. One or two were busy climbing up the side of the cage free style (aka no ropes or other form of mechanical assistance.) How daring!
Slowly and with great trepidation, I slid open the bolt that kept the door to this den of terror closed. All I could think of was one of these maniac killer creatures lunging for the door and ripping my throat out. I was sure Andre wasn't trained in treating a full bleed out. I paused. The "mewing" had stopped and 20 stone cold killer eyes were focused straight on me. The fighting seemed to have all paused mid punch, kick, bite, pile driver. Visibly shaking, I knelt down and peeked through the open cage door. The attack kittens were all solid grey or solid black. This must have been a mixed combination of two different litters. They had, I assured myself, killed their mothers and ended up in here, together. This wire cage was probably the feline equivalent of the "hole" at San Quentin or Pelican Bay. I was now eye to eye with 10 killers, sentenced to this "cage" for their vile crime of matracide.
By this point, Andre must have noticed (or smelt) my terror and came over to offer his "expertise" in handling such highly volatile and easily inflamed creatures. "Do you see one you like?" he asked, smiling? I guess prison guards smile too, sometimes. They get used to it. "Um, that little black one seems sufficient for the task at hand." I stood up and slowly stepped back from the gaping door of the "hole." Andre, brave beyond reason, reached his hand into the viper pit and grabbed for the black attack kitten which I had just pointed out. Right before he was able to grab it the attack kitten, sensing the end was near, dove over the side of the ledge it was perched on and landed, head first, in its water bowl. What a brave little fella, I thought. Choosing to end it all by drowning itself in its water bowl instead of meeting its end at the hands of Andre. I felt a sudden surge of respect for the soaking little black ball of fur. Cute as could be.
Oh my god, I thought. Don't let it fool you! That's how it works! These attack kittens have a magical spell they put on humans. We fall under their spell of absolute cuteness and then they take over our lives and destroy our homes! Breath breath breath! Breathing heavily and bent over at the waist, I slowly glanced up and saw Andre standing there holding the vicious trickster in his hands. I looked Andre carefully up and down, searching for the inevitable attack wound I knew he suffered catching and cornering the attack kitten. Miraculously, he appeared intact and blood free. The black attack kitten stared at me with these HUGE expressive green eyes. It's head was smaller than a golf ball. Oh my god was it cute. I felt my heart start to melt and my wariness begin to fade. Then I caught myself. "DON'T LET IT FOOL YOU, AJ!!" I screamed on the inside. "This son of a bitch would rather kill you than see you leave here with it."
Andre, bravely and valiently stroking the attack kittens head, quickly flipped it upside down and announced "It's a girl." Shit. Even worse. Women are totally bitchy (I should know, I am one) and a bitchy serial killer must be hell to deal with. I decided this attack kitten was simply too dangerous to take home and as I started to tell Andre he needed to immediately put that one back and select another, the attack kitten opened its tiny mouth and "mewed" at me. My heart melted. I felt it dissolve into a viscous mixture of blood and muscle and run into my abdomen.
On the way home, the little attack kitten sat boldly in my lap and stared up at me. The whole ride home I pictured her diving upward and grabbing onto my face with those razor sharp kitten teeth and tearing my eyes outta my head with her deadly "Nightmare on Elmstreet" claws. Thankfully, she remained seated and allowed me to pick her up when we parked the car and prepared to enter the Bunker.
Upon entry, after giving the required special secular knock and repeating 3 times "Rush Limbaugh is a drug addled freak," I placed the attack kitten in front of the older dogs cage. She sat there and stared in at him, a look of total contempt plastered upon her minute face. The dog stared back and then, slowly, started to sob. Increasing in both volume and tempo, the sobbing soon became an all out wail. Still, the attack kitten sat. Now THIS is what I was looking for in a guard animal. Sitting face to face with imminent death and staring it down. This kitten was a THUG.
Wanting to further test her "thugness" I knelt in front of the dogs cage and started hollering over his incessant wailing "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU DAMN FOOL! HOW ARE YOU POSSIBLY SCARED OF A KITTEN!!??" It WAS an attack kitten, I reasoned (over the screams) but this dunce sitting in a cage didn't know that. Or did he? Was that why he was screaming like this? Could he sense the murderous rage that was pent up in this little monster sitting directly in front of him and, more or less, staring him down? I decided to test this theory. I unlatched the dogs cage and cracked the door so he could see it was now open and that he could come out. He didn't. He just slid further back into the dark recesses of his protective lair. Punk. I would own the only two punk ass coward pitbulls ever born.
Then the attack kitten started to stir. She stood her little body up, arched her back, stretched and waltzed her tiny ass into the dogs cage. I couldn't believe my eyes! In she went. The sobbing stopped. Silence! Was the dog dead? Had this miniscule death machine killed the dog with one quick blow to the throat? Five minutes passed. Then ten. Still not a peep from the cage. Tears came to my eyes.
Oh how I loved that dog! How stupid of me to sacrifice him to the attack kitten. What a stupid fucking idea! Beyond consolation, I collapsed on the floor at the entrance to my now dead dogs cage. Tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall. I thought my heart had actually broken in half, and the pain in my chest only reassured me of this. Curled in a ball like a baby, I turned on my side and made myself face the inevitable. Where would I bury him? What would my MOM say? Oh my god, she's gonna kill me. She LOVES that damn idiotic urinator. Eyes clenched tight like a vice, I had to force myself to open them. Before light even registered on my optic nerve, I pictured the scene. My beautiful asshole dog laying in a pool of his own blood while that heartless, sociopathic attack kitten drank from the steaming pool with her forked tongue.
Then I saw it. The light struck my optic nerve and the vision was transfered from my eyes to my brain. There in the cage lay the dog, still alive and breathing. Curled up between his front paws lay the attack kitten who had her eyes closed and a very small, nearly inaudible rumble of a purr eminated from her 8 inch long body. The dog was busy licking her beautiful shiny black fur and his eyes were similarly closed. I was gazing in on an all out love fest. I was furious.
I felt like calling Andre at Kittie City and demanding a refund. They sold me a bogus attack kitten! That's a crime. Like selling someone a BB gun and telling them it's a 0.357 magnum. This was false advertising at its most blatant. And it was dangerous. What if I had relied on this attack kitten to protect me and my pitbulls from a Bunker invasion by christian fundamentalist freaks? Boy would Kittie City have been liable if such an invasion had occured and I had been forced to read actual passages from a bible. I quiver at the mere thought.
I picked up the now sleeping bogus attack kitten and placed her in the pink terrycloth kitten bed I had purchased her (hey, she's still a girl. And little girls need pink beds.) I read some websites and listened to some tunes then went to bed myself. About 3:30 am I head something stirring in my bedroom but wrote it off as one of the dogs. I went back to sleep but was awakened about a half an hour later by the sound of fabric being torn. My room was pitch black and I couldn't see squat. I sat perfectly still and listened. I could have sworn I felt hot breath on the back of my neck, but my dogs were nowhere to be seen. They must be out on their couch (the one they're not allowed on.) I lay back down and stared up into the blackness when suddenly a warm furry body landed on my face and grabbed each ear with a razor claw and wrapped two razor clawed back legs around either side of my jaw. I was wearing a kitten as a mask! I screamed but the scream was muffled by the bogus attack kittens fat little belly. Then as fast as it attached itself, it jumped off and disappeared into the darkness. SHIT! I forgot that kittens (attack kittens or not) are nocturnal. I flipped on the bedside light and stared, dumbstruck, at the destruction that stretched before my eyes. I had invited a beast into my home. What had I been thinking?
In the morning, after attempting to clean up the mess the bogus attack kitten had left for me, I signed my dogs up for guard dog training classes. One of these bastards was gonna protect this house, whether they like it or not. Well, to make a long story short, the little dog had some sort of a nervous breakdown on his first day and was excused with a "medical" and the older dog, hating being told what to do by ANYONE, refused to do ANYTHING the instructor told him (he wouldn't even look at the guy. It was ridiculous) and on the third day he peed on the instructors leg and was "withdrawn" from class. Maybe I can get a ferret. Don't THEY bite?